Tag Archives: self-care

And everything changed…

actually, that’s not true; moving around continues to be just as difficult. However, I am in a better frame of mind; it just switched. Like the time I dreamt of apple blossoms, when I was in my early 20s and feeling really down. The world was a dark place and everything I did was wrong. Then one night while I slept, I dreamt of apple blossoms. I watched as they unfurled their pink blossoms. Petal by petal opened, as the sun warmed my cheekbones and I smiled, lifting my face to the sun. I awoke refreshed.

In March, I thought I was dealing with yet another bladder infection. I was feeling down and went to the doctor to leave a urine sample and get another prescription for antibiotics. I was sad. Again? I can’t keep doing this! I will become immune to antibiotics. Three days later, I phoned the doctor’s office and was told the blood work came back clear. I did not have an infection. I ripped up that prescription and felt lighter. Whatever I was doing to keep the infections at bay was working. A few days later I woke up, looked out my bedroom window and smiled at the blue sky. It just switched; the day was going to be a good one. Then a friend I hadn’t seen in a long time dropped by for a visit. I got a lovely card in the mail, two in fact. If I was already feeling good, the feeling had solidified.

 

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Waking up Sunday morning, gazing out my bedroom window: “Hey look, the sky is blue.” I’m surprised and look for inspiration: “It might be a good day for riding the sidewalks in my power chair after all.” Instead, I roll over in bed, “You’re tired!” I admit. I don’t even want to get out of bed. 

“So, what are you going to do? Go to the gathering, or, stay home?” I stay in bed, until the ringing phone becomes an excuse to pull myself out from beneath the covers.

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“I’m tired,” I  repeat, as I move sluggishly to the bathroom.

As I slowly get my breakfast, I think: “I admit defeat.”

And tell myself,”You are too tired to go out today.”

“What!” I retort: “Did I hear the word defeat?”

“Sure, use the word defeat and suddenly your relationship to MS is a power struggle, complete with a winner and a loser.”

I continue, but now I’m annoyed with myself: “You’ve worked too hard to play that game with yourself. You need to admit that maybe there were other things you wanted to do today.”

Playing the parent, you tell yourself that listening to your body is about taking care of yourself. So you can do the many things that are important to you. And, you remind yourself that you won’t get them done all at the same time, or necessarily, when you want to get them done. Sometimes, you will have to baby your body, like a very good parent.

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So, you choose to stay home, clean a week’s supply of fresh kale, do some writing and yoga. You will enjoy conversations with your children and long-distance telephone calls with your family. Taking good care of yourself is about making a promise to yourself for the future.