Friends and I sat down to supper. Over warm bowls of soup and yummy bread, we chatted, catching up on family news. Relaxed, I slouched: “The winter was long…” We all agreed, but I added: “I’m slowing down. I know my walking has worsened…”
“You don’t look any slower.” My friend’s response startled me.
When I answered her, I surprised even myself: “You mean, I walked like this last year?”
Of course, I did. I’ve been watching myself slow down for years. So what did I mean?
It wasn’t the movements that had changed, so much as the effort involved and my attitude.
Her response shattered how I saw myself. Maybe, I wasn’t walking that much slower. But, I felt like I was. I have grown really tired of moving this body around so slowly.
When the effort of walking involves lifting my mood from darkness, then I use up enormous energy to raise a foot. When my mood lightens, I pay less attention to the heavy leg and allow myself to be distracted by other interests and other pleasures.
The leg remains heavy.
Last year, I was proud to be moving. Lately, I’m just tired, tired of the slow labour of simple movement. The difference is in whether I decide to dwell on the difficulties or not.
Another blogger has been talking about something very similar. Check out “living undone” by Cathy Aten: http://www.cathyaten.com/wordpress/2014/03/put-the-damn-thing-down/
Illustrating this post is a painting by artist Eva Toth. You can see more of her artwork on http://evatothartist.weebly.com or you can search Eva-Toth-Artist on Facebook.