The difference is...

Friends and I sat down to supper. Over warm bowls of soup and yummy bread, we chatted, catching up on family news. Relaxed, I slouched: “The winter was long…” We all agreed, but I added: “I’m slowing down. I know my walking has worsened…”

“You don’t look any slower.” My friend’s response startled me.

When I answered her, I surprised even myself: “You mean, I walked like this last year?”

Of course, I did. I’ve been watching myself slow down for years. So what did I mean?

It wasn’t the movements that had changed, so much as the effort involved and my  attitude.

Her response shattered how I saw myself. Maybe, I wasn’t walking that much slower. But, I felt like I was. I have grown really tired of moving this body around so slowly.

When the effort of walking involves lifting my mood from darkness, then I use up enormous energy to raise a foot. When my mood lightens, I pay less attention to the heavy leg and allow myself to be distracted by other interests and other pleasures.

The leg remains heavy.

Last year, I was proud to be moving. Lately, I’m just tired, tired of the slow labour of simple movement. The difference is in whether I decide to dwell on the difficulties or not.

Another blogger has been talking about something very similar. Check out “living undone” by Cathy Aten:

Illustrating this post is a painting by artist Eva Toth. You can see more of her artwork on or you can search Eva-Toth-Artist on Facebook.

1 thought on “The difference is…

  1. Pam Rayne

    Sending love your way. I listened to the most peaceful soul stirring music today. Take a listen, to Krishna Das, from his album Breath of the Heart, and the song is Brindavan Hare Ram.


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